Why ‘Good Job’ is the Worst Thing You Can Say to Your Child

As parents, we want to see our children thrive. We want them to feel confident, capable, and proud of their achievements. For many of us, phrases like “Good job!” or “You’re the best!” are natural ways to express encouragement. But what if these seemingly harmless words are doing more harm than good?

Research shows that constant, unearned praise—what experts call “praise inflation”—can have negative long-term effects on a child’s development. Instead of fostering genuine self-confidence, it can create a fragile sense of self-worth that depends on external validation. This blog explores why “Good job!” might not be the best thing you can say to your child and what you can do instead to help them develop a healthy, growth-oriented mindset.

The Problem with Empty Praise

When we say “Good job!” to our children, we often mean well. We want to acknowledge their efforts, make them feel proud, or encourage them to keep going. However, the problem arises when this kind of praise is overused or applied without merit.

1. False Sense of Achievement

Imagine a child who receives constant praise for tasks that require little effort, such as drawing a simple picture or completing a puzzle. Over time, they may begin to associate praise with minimal effort, believing they’ve done something extraordinary when, in reality, they’ve done something ordinary.

This can lead to a skewed understanding of achievement, where children expect rewards simply for showing up.

2. Dependency on External Validation

When children hear “Good job!” too often, they may start relying on external validation to feel good about themselves. This creates a fragile self-esteem that crumbles in the absence of praise.

Instead of learning to evaluate their own efforts and feel internally satisfied, they look to others for approval. This dependency can make them more vulnerable to setbacks, criticism, and failure as they grow older.

3. Reduced Motivation to Try Harder

Children who are constantly praised for minimal effort may lose the motivation to challenge themselves. Why strive for improvement if praise is handed out so easily? Over time, they may avoid taking risks or pushing their limits because they’ve learned that success doesn’t require effort.

Why Effort-Based Praise Matters

To counter the negative effects of empty praise, experts recommend focusing on effort rather than results. This approach, often linked to fostering a “growth mindset,” helps children understand that success comes from hard work, persistence, and learning from mistakes.

What is a Growth Mindset?

Coined by psychologist Carol Dweck, a growth mindset is the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort and learning. When children develop a growth mindset, they’re more likely to embrace challenges, persevere through difficulties, and view failure as an opportunity to grow.

How to Praise Effectively

Here are some practical ways to replace “Good job!” with meaningful, effort-focused praise that nurtures a growth mindset in your child.

1. Be Specific

Instead of saying, “Good job!” after your child completes a drawing, try something more specific like, “I love how you used so many colors in your drawing!” This shows that you’re paying attention to their effort and creativity.

2. Acknowledge the Process, Not Just the Outcome

Focus on the steps your child took to complete a task rather than the result. For example, if your child solves a difficult math problem, say, “You worked really hard on that problem, and it paid off!” rather than just “You’re so smart.”

3. Encourage Problem-Solving

When your child faces a challenge, praise their problem-solving skills instead of simply celebrating the outcome. For instance, if they build a LEGO structure that keeps falling apart, you might say, “I noticed you tried different ways to make it stand. That’s great problem-solving!”

4. Celebrate Effort in Failure

It’s important to show your child that failure is a natural part of learning. If they don’t win a game or fail a test, acknowledge their effort with comments like, “I saw how much time you spent practicing. I’m proud of the effort you put in, even though it didn’t turn out the way you wanted this time.”

5. Avoid Labels

Labels like “You’re a genius” or “You’re so talented” can unintentionally put pressure on children to maintain those labels. Instead, focus on what they can control, like effort and attitude.

The Long-Term Benefits

By shifting the way you praise your child, you’re helping them develop critical life skills that will serve them well into adulthood. These include:

• Resilience: Learning to bounce back from setbacks.
• Intrinsic Motivation: Finding satisfaction in their own efforts, rather than seeking external approval.
• Confidence: Believing in their ability to improve and overcome challenges.

Children who receive meaningful, effort-based praise are more likely to take risks, embrace challenges, and persist through difficulties. These traits are essential for success in school, relationships, and future careers.

Final Thoughts

“Good job!” might seem like a harmless phrase, but its overuse can undermine your child’s growth and self-confidence. By focusing on specific, effort-based praise, you can help your child develop a growth mindset that empowers them to tackle challenges and achieve their full potential.

Remember, the goal isn’t to stop praising your child—it’s to praise them in a way that supports their development and encourages a healthy relationship with effort, success, and failure.